January, far from Instagram

Hello dears ! I felt like reaching out and sharing some little things from last month with you all 💙 I hope you have been well !

I spent January in a small cozy bubble

At the beginning of December, my cat passed away and I felt like taking a step back from anything social media related. Since then, days, weeks, months even, have passed, and I realised I still did not feel like opening Instagram or posting there whatsoever. A few months back, this would have made me feel paralysed and very anxious. But now, even though I do feel a little pinch of anxiety at the thought that the algorithm must already have burried my account at the bottom of an ocean of content, the happy things I feel truly outweight the anxiety, so I’ll keep going like this for now.

Sketching for fun

It had been a while since I’ve been this happy to use my sketchbook. The quantity of sketching didn’t increase significantly compared to before, but the things I felt did. I felt really free to make “ugly” things, quick sketches. To use this brush pen I usually only use when I have nothing else laying around. I feel like it is easier to let go of this expectation of perfection when I am far from Instagram. In the blink of an eye, without realizing, I found myself happy to draw and enjoying the feeling of the brush pen on the paper rather than thinking about how this little line or detail should or shouldn’t look.

Of the importance of making crappy things

I also had fun with my gouache.
I have gone through older blog posts (even on my previous blog), and other things I’ve written over the years, and realised I wrote this so many times in the last 5 years : I wish I learned more about gouache and integrated it more often into my work.

It made me realise something : over the years, I have become so comfortable with watercolour that I am now lazy to stick to something else.

You know how, everytime you learn something new, you have to go through a period of time where you only make ugly/bad things, before you can actually start making something good ? Well, I’ve been avoiding this by not really sticking to learning any new medium since I found my way into watercolours. Don’t get me wrong : I LOVE my watercolours and will always keep using them (or at least I think so now). But it would feel so good to really know more about a few other mediums. And to be able to switch from one to another depending on the mood, projects, things going on around me. It is hard to stick to a medium that makes you feel uncomfortable and out of control when you already have something where you know you can (more) easily depict what is on your mind. But now I’ve found myself stuck with watercolours for a while, and even though I love them dearly, I sometimes crave working with a different medium.

Working on the iPad but taking ideas in my gouache and watercolour sketches !

Being kind to yourself and letting go (or trying to) of what you think others are expecting

For example : I always felt a little jealous of illustrators who work a lot with the iPad.

I always thought how much freedom it must give them : they can work on the corner of a tiny table anywhere, just needing a small screen and a pen. They can work on a couch, on a plane, on a beach, in the middle of a forest or in a café. Something I never could do with my paints (probably some people manage to, but not me. I do need my steady desk and all of my tools when I paint).

For this reason, I’ve been attracted to iPads and digital work for the longest time, but never dared to say it too loud because I knew many people followed me on social media for my watercolour paintings specifically. And I somehow felt like pleasing social media rather than… me. But I’ve been allowing myself to have fun an draw a lot more on the iPad for the past 4 or 5 months, and finally now, I am able to work on two different client projects digitally. I somehow always thought my clients would be so angry that if I worked on the iPad. That they would treat me like I am a scam because it was not watercolour. But it is not true - what they wanted was what I would draw, they (often) don’t mind the medium at all, as long as it is still visibly made by you. Realising this, is incredibly freeing : I feel like now, I have this extra tool in my tool belt, and if I ever need to travel a lot or want to work more outside than at home at some point in my life, then I can just work on the iPad for these projects.

Sketching an idea for a pattern I had in mind for about a year, just thinking about the feeling and not the composition yet

For the sake of creating

Sometimes, I say to myself : “tomorrow is going to be a day for myself, for my projects, my ideas, my stories. I am going to paint just to have fun.”

Well… it is never truly like this. I sometimes manage to have a lot of fun and spend an amazing day, sometimes not, but that is not the point : everytime, there is this little voice, this little presence in the back of my head, saying : “how could I use this on Instagram ? What would people think about it ? What if I just made a quick little story or post ? I should have recorded for a reel”, etc…
And it is so hard to make this little presence go away.

Nevertheless, the need to create without this little voice has been growing bigger and bigger for almost a year. Sometimes, this voice would fade a little and things would get easier. But it never truly disappeared - it still hasn’t. But I feel it fading, and I hope that in a while longer, it will even eventually disappear.

I sometimes think about the times before illustration was my job : I would draw for the people I loved, I would draw to make gifts, create something beautiful, hoping to give a smile to someone I truly cared about. Now, I mostly draw to make something beautiful (this truly is the goal in my head), something that has the right colours, shapes, compositions. They all are valid reasons, but I wish I could draw for the first ones more often. One way I tried to do this lately, is by drawing a tiny little book for my nephew. On a topic that’s not close to my work (dinosaurs), with a medium that I don’t care about (cheap coloured pencils, cheap markers and printing paper), in a place where I don’t work usually (my parent’s living room). It’s still not done, but I spent a whole afternoon last week and had so much fun ! Just thinking of the moment I will be able to give it to my nephew, who does not care about colours, shapes and composition (or at least not consciously), and imagining his smile, means the world to me. It is the most fun I had drawing in a long time. And for this reason, I do not feel like sharing a photo here, but still wanted to share this experience with you 💙

Creating my own assignments

There are things I’ve been dreaming of illustrating for a long time now. Nobody asked me to, but I really long to do it : tea packaging, beauty product packaging, food packaging… well, you see : packaging. I would love to be able to turn a regular packaging into something special that can bring a smile and/or tell a story even in the moments when people are just going on with their day at the shops. It would be wonderful. So I slowly started making sketches of random things like this. Just because no one asked me, doesn’t mean I cannot give myself this assignment, just for fun. It’s still small things, nothing special, but for example I had so much fun painting this little handcream packaging below :

Maybe (actually, probably) it will lead nowhere, but I have gotten this out of my mind, and it made me want to make more. And even if professionally, it does not bring anything to me, at least I spent a joyful moment doing what I longed to, and feeling satisfied for giving it a go. And this is already wonderful - and this is what I am trying to enjoy more !

I also started a new painting, without expectations. I felt like drawing a monkey and using bright colours, so I decided not to put it off longer and just do it, and it brought me joy. Even if it is not finished, I already feel happy when looking at it. Not because it is the best painting I’ve made (it really is not), but because I know I felt happy when painting it.

Your turn 💙

And I think this is all for now my dears ! I have been rather talkative this time. I feel like we have so much to catch up with since I’m not posting on Instagram at the moment ! And I also would love to hear from you. I don’t want this blog to be a display of my things, but a place of exchange. I always love chatting with you. What have you been up to ? Have you created or done anything that brought you joy in the past week/month ? How is the weather where you live ? What made you smile yesterday ?

I’ll be looking forward to reading from you - which is really the only thing I miss from Instagram right now.
Thank you so much for stopping by and reading until the end. I’m lucky to have you around 🌞
See you very soon, and take care of yourselves ! I’m sending a ray of sunshine (so happy it came to say hi today), and earl grey tea 🍵

With love,
Cécile