Sketchbook tour
Hello friend, welcome to a new blog article !
It’s the first one I write on this new version of my website and I’m so excited about it.
How have you been ? I hope October brought you autumnal joys and warm beverages. It started very summery here and ended in a rainy fest ! So I’ve gone all out with candles, warm tea, hot cocoa, cookies and blankets to try and keep my soul and heart warm in these colder days (also the heating is not working so while we wait to get an appointment with a technician, warm socks and comfy blankets are a must).
To celebrate the launch of my new website, I decided to post a little sketchbook tour for you friends ! It’s something I used to do monthly on my Patreon page when I had one, and I haven’t done any since. Even though it feels amazing to keep your sketchbook all to yourself, after a while it can also feel good to share those doodles with others. I have the feeling that I need to maintain a balance between creating in my own bubble and sharing online. I easily overdo one or the other, and then my creativity does suffer from it in one way or another. So here are a few pages of the sketchbook I have been keeping this year !
It’s a sketchbook from Talens, in the Art Creation line.
The format is A5, and even though I used to love A4 sketchbooks a couple of years ago, I found this format a lot less intimidating this year and it felt perfect ! The gorgeous sticker on the cover has been created by Clara Encinas and it makes me smile everytime I see it 🌞
The first pages have been drawn a long time ago (back in 2021 I think), and then this sketchbook was left somewhere in a drawer. What a shame ! When I found it again a couple of years later I decided to use it properly - the paper, format and cover are ideal ! I have no idea why I’ve let it sleep away for so long. So I’ve started sketching in it again seriously this year. Some people tend to fill sketchbooks super fast, but I only sketch every once in a while, so I tend to be slower and it takes me more time to fill an entire sketchbook. I still have a third of this one to go, but I already love all the memories, ideas and researches it contains.
Enough talking for now, I leave you with the tour !
I don’t know if you have been following Instagram lately (I understand if you don’t, life feels a lot easier away from Instagram sometimes). But a couple of weeks ago I posted something on my feed with this caption :
Lately I've been feeling a little confused with my art, because I am taking more time to sketch and experiment, and it feels wonderful but sometimes I'm lost. I want to draw simple things, but also detailed ones. I want to draw in a minimalist way but then have a looser style. On Monday I crave the brightest colours and on Tuesday I want muted shades. I want to draw digitally on Wednesday, but paint on Thursday and use markers on Friday. I want to have a distinct style but also be able to create many different things without giving myself boundaries for what I can draw.
It's a bit hard to see where this is going, but I'm trying to enjoy the experimentations, have fun, and not think too much (even though sometimes it's hard to slow down your brain !).
And I still feel this way, even a few months after writing these words. In 2023, I gave myself the time and space to experiment. For a couple of years I had felt a disalignment with my own work. I didn't feel like it reflected me anymore, but I didn't know how to fix it. I felt blocked, confined to a particular way of drawing, painting, and colour scheme. I felt like I needed to meet some unseen standards and expectations because of my previous work. I even felt like it had been this way for years, and I had no idea why I was not happy with it anymore when it had been fine until then. But then I looked back, I scrolled my Instagram account all the way to the very beginning, I went through old sketchbooks. It dawned on me that I used to approach my art and my work with a playful attitude. I would create with joy and freedom, and I realized that it was alright to do it again. I would create with joy and freedom, and I realized that it was alright to do it again.
I believe that when illustration became my full-time job, I felt the pressure to create only professional-looking pieces that could be included in my portfolio. This ensured that all of my work was coherent, and clients wouldn't be taken aback when working with me since they already knew my style. Because they already knew what I was doing. But I soon realised that working in this way also left me no room to surprise myself. I kept growing as a person, but my art felt like it was always the same. It seemed like I was drawing the same things repeatedly for two to three years. I was growing so tired of it.
It does feel like a neverending battle against myself to remember to let go. I have this part of me (don't we all have it?) It wants us to stay in our comfort zone, doing the same old things we've always done - painting the same way, posting online in the same style. Because trying something new means running the risk of making something very ugly. As an artist who gets paid for their work, every bad piece can seem like a waste of both time and resources. But I came to realise that without all the ugly things, there would never be new pretty ones neither. The ugly drawings were the pavement that would lead me to something pretty, something I would be happy with. These are still words I need to repeat myself daily, because I forget them in the blink of an eye.
However, when I permitted my art to develop naturally, I found an upside: how big, wide and open it all suddenly feels. What I'm saying is that, when you allow your art to evolve, and take the time to experiment, everything becomes possible. So many paths open in front of you. And it can be daunting - even frustrating - since you'd want to try everything, including different styles, lines, shades, shapes, and themes. Sometimes it's difficult to identify a coherent theme connecting your different drawings, resulting in a lack of distinctiveness. It seems like a jumbled assortment of random paintings that make no sense. However, I have also realized that although the pieces may appear so incoherent to us (because we are looking at the collage with our noses stuck to them), it is easier for other people, who are looking at the collage from afar, to see a thread that connects them all. Sure, some things may look very dissimilar, but they all originate from one person eventually. For this reason, there will always be a connection that ties everything together, even if it is not visible to us.
The more we let ourselves create, the larger our collage grows and the easier it is to see it take shape. This may take time and a lot of trust. I'm only starting to learn to trust myself and the process. I used to discard a drawing or painting as soon as I didn't like it. Now I try to persevere and keep painting, as 90% of the time it becomes so much better if you just give it a chance. Looking back, I think had lost this trust. And it felt really good to find it again little by little. However, it is such a fleeting feeling. I pursue it daily, as much as possible. It can play hide and seek on certain days, and then resurface brightly the following day. It's a little unpredictable. I think this is what people mean when they say "trust the process."
Here is to trusting more and letting ourselves grow. It’s hard but it feels good when we try to give ourselves this space !
I’ll see you soon and in the meantime, take care of yourself 🤍